Disclaimer: I did
not write these. I don’t know who did. The original collection was published by
Zak (zak@raven.cybercomm.net, Col. Morgan Kell on ole ‘56)
(Take Me Out to the Ball Game)
Blow me up and destroy
me
Blow me up again
I'm just a little
light Battlemech
I don't care if
you blow me to heck
'Cause it's
Blast
Blast
Blast
And I'm gone, now
If you can't kill
me you're lame
'Cause it's
1
2
3
Hits I'm dead in
the old war game!
(Gangster’s
As I look through
the record sheets of FASA's 'mechs
I take a look at
a few and realize they suck, yes!
But I've been
playing btech so long,
Even the GodMom thinks that my mind is gone!
I aint never flamed playmates even though the deserve it,
Stand up for the toon? man, you know that's unheard of,
You better watch
how you're writing, and who you're fighting
Or me and my homies might knock off your site!
I really hate to
munch but I gotta see
Quad PPCs linked to a TC, fool!
I'm the kinda gamer little homies run
away from
On my knees all
week long playing btech at the game cons!
Been spending
most their lives, living in a MoBster's paradise!
Got Star League
Fireflies, living in a MoBster's paradise!
Think Kell Hounds are real cool guys, living in a MoBster's paradise!
Go to Ed Karl for
low priced buys, living in a MoBster's paradise! :-)
Minis and the
Sourcebooks, Sourcebooks and the Minis,
My poor little
Vulture, got killed off by John Tinney,
Everybody's
running, for targets they're lookin,
What's going on
in the cockpit, their ammo they are cookin,
They say I dont know tactics, but nobody's here to teach me,
Without clantech at long range, how will they reach me?
I guess they
cant, I guess they wont
I guess that's
how I know my oponents a fool
Been spending
most their lives, living in a MoBster's paradise!
Always use marker
dice, living in a MoBster's paradise!
The clans aren't
at all nice, living in a MoBster's paradise!
Battletech is our main vice, living in a MoBster's paradise!
Tell me why
shouldn't we, be the one to see,
The munchiness of the Tac HB.
Tell me why do
we, wait eagerly,
For the release
of Mechwarrior 3!
(fade out)
(Jingle Bells)
Blowing through
the 'Mechs, with an Ultra/10 AC!
It is fun to
watch the clanners run away from me!
Shell on armor
rings! Making bodies fly!
What fun it is to
shoot my guns and watch those clanners die, oh
LRM's, LRM's,
blasting all the way!
Go ahead you clanner scum and try to make my day!
Oh, LRMs, LRMs, blasting all the way!
IDF aint really nice but this is war so hey!
LRM-15's, fired
at the clans
Hitting them with
ease, as the arrow lands!
Autocannons sing, making omnis
fall,
I wish I had the
spare ammo to kill them, one and all!
Oh, LRM's, LRM's, blasting all the
way!
Go ahead you clanner scum and try to make my day!
Oh, LRMs, LRMs, blasting all the way!
IDF aint really nice but this is war so hey!
Now appear
warships, of the Nightlord class,
Those nasty little
munchkins, let's go kick them in the ass!
The SDS comes up,
it fills the clans with fear,
And promptly
knocks the buggers down into our atmosphere!
Oh, LRM's, LRM's, blasting all the
way!
Go ahead you clanner scum and try to make my day!
Oh, LRMs, LRMs, blasting all the way!
IDF aint really nice but this is war so hey!
LRM's, LRM's,
blasting all the way!
Come on little
munchkin boy, I'll take you any day!
Oh, LRMs, LRMs, blasting all the way!
I'll lock my
weapons on your head and blow your ass away!
(Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer)
Rudolph the
red-nosed Ostscout, only had a TAG laser
And if he ran too
far out, he'd be cut into razors
All of the other
scout mechs, said that pilot was insane
They never let
poor Rudolph, call in his Artillery rain!
Then one foggy
Christmas eve, Victor came to say
Rudolph with your
nose so bright
Won't you TAG
some clanners tonight?
Then how the
scout mechs loathed him
And they shouted
out with glee
Rudolph the
red-nosed Ostscout
Got hit by his
own Artillery! :-)
(Oh, Christmas Tree)
Oh Masak'ri, Oh Masak'ri
Your PPCs frighten us!
Oh Masak'ri, Oh Masak'ri
Your PPCs frighten us!
Oh your tcomp, we fear it so
It blows big
holes through my torso
Oh Masak'ri, Oh Masak'ri
Your PPCs frighten us!
(Walkin in a winter
wonderland)
ROE, are you
listening?
Assault mechs, paint jobs glistening
Our beautiful mechs, all turned into wrecks
Fightin off some honorless
damn clan!
Gone away, is the
honor
Here to stay, the
mad bombers
They shoot if it
moves, These clanners are fools
Fightin off some honorless
damn clan!
On Tuk'yid we can kill some falcons
And pretend that
they are human too
They'll say
"Will you bond me?"
We'll say "HELL
no -- We'd rather bond capellans than one of
you!"
Later on, we'll
conspire
And turn clan mechs into pyres
Can't send em to hell, Till '67, oh well
Fightin off some honorless
damn clan!
(God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)
God Rest Ye Merry
Clan Ghost Bear
Let nothing you
dismay
Remember great Kerensky fled
The Inner Sphere
this day
To save us from
Succession Wars
We'll make those freebirths pay!
Oh tidings of
malice and war, malice and war!
Oh tidings of
malice and war!
And out from New Samarkand
Did our mighty
fleet jump
We left behind
the Inner Sphere
And all those
freeborn chumps!
But now we're
back and kickin ass
And all your mechs are junk!
Oh tidings of
malice and war, malice and war!
Oh tidings of
malice and war!
Through Rasalhague and the Combine
We strike at
Terra's heart
We drove through
many regiments
And that was just
the start!
You'll quickly
flee out from our path
Well, at least if
you're smart!
Oh tidings of
malice and war, malice and war!
Oh tidings of malice
and war!
We met our match
on Tukayyid
The ComGuard troops were brave
They fought us to
a standstill
During our fifth
attack wave
But we'll be back
in sixty-seven
Terra's what we
crave!
Oh tidings of
malice and war, malice and war!
Oh tidings of malice
and war!
Oh tidings of
malice and war, malice and war!
Oh tidings of
malice and war!
(Jinglebell Rock)
Novacat, Novacat, Novacat rock
Ricochets *
Missles and lasers leave their bright flares
In the frosty air!
It's the night
time, that's the right time,
To blow the clans
away!
Novacat time, is a swell time
To knock out some
Timerwolf-A's!
Giddy-up, Firemoth, pick up your feet
Engage your MASC
right now
One on One combat
in the sweltering heat!
That's the novacat! That's the novacat!
That's the novacat rock!
'Twas the night before Christmas, and on Luthien,
The Clanners
were coming, twelve clusters of them.
The soldiers were
nestled, all snug in their mechs,
In twenty-four hours, most
would be wrecks.
Genyosha, Otomo, the 1st
Sword of Light,
All in attendence,
preparing to fight.
Dragoons and Kell Hounds, mercs of great fame,
Had also arrived, their goal
was the same:
Keep Luthien free, from the hands of the Clans,
Protect the IS, our beloved
homeland.
Smoke Jaguars
attack, their huge mechs quite frightening,
With Clan Nova Cat, they
lashed out like lightning,
More rapid than
eagles, their battlemechs came,
Their brave Star Colonels
all echoed this claim:
"Of Clan
Nova Cat, are my cluster and I,
You are honorless
scum, and now you shall die!"
The battle at
first did not go well,
The carnage eclipsed Dante's
vision of Hell,
The Otomo mechs were quickly
destroyed,
The Clans did not realize it
was merely a ploy,
The mechs were a trap, and set to explode,
And into their ranks, the
Smoke Jaguars strode.
A blue-painted
Archer was the first one to fall,
It's fiery demise set off
them all,
A string of
explosions, amazingly large,
And out of the chaos, brave
samurai charged,
The Legion of
Vega had engaged the clans,
With berserker fury, they
fought for their land.
The Smoke Jaguars
charged
The ambush they faced was not
at all pretty,
Into the Hounds
and Dragoons they ran,
Massivly
outnumbered, as Theodore had planned.
A red and black
Archer stood alone on a hill,
With LRM's
firing, it racked up on kills,
With weapons
a-blazing, the clanners were vexed,
Why, they all wondered, can
we not hit this mech?!
The next several
hours dragged on forever
Would clansmen retreat? We
thought no, never,
When from out of
nowhere, something finally gave,
The clanners
pulled back, escaping the grave.
To their dropships they ran, the rout was now on,
And soon it was silent, for they
were all gone,
They said as
their dropships slowly faded from sight,
"Merry christmas
to all. You fought a good fight."